Me: Go to the potty.
K (who usually responds, "You ALWAYS tell me to go the potty"): Every poffy nompetty.
Me: Every poffy nompetty??
K: HAHAHA! I confused you! I LOVE confusing you!
* * *
On the grocery checkout line, facing a baby sitting in a shopping cart.
Me (to the baby): Hi!
Mom: He's not as old as he looks.
Mom: He's just big for his age! He's only 11 months old!
Me: You're eleven months old? You're going to have a birthday soon!
Mom: I don't want people to think he's dumb.
(I ask you, what could a baby possibly do that would make you think, "Now that is a dumb baby.")
* * *
K's mouth fell open when I walked in the door with my new pixie cut.
Me: What do you think?
K: I... a little don't like it.
Me: Do you think I look like a boy?
K (scowling): You don't look like a boy. You look like a woman.
Me: I am a woman.
K: No, you're a mom.