Her: Is K excited about starting kindergarten in the fall?
Me: Actually, he's a little anxious because he won't know anybody. This summer I'm going to try to meet --
Her: You should put him in a summer camp for kids with high IQs, like a Harvard summer program.
Me: What?? Why? And I don't think Harvard has --
Her: We sent you to a gifted school for kindergarten and you loved it, but then we took you out because it was too much money.
Me: Yes, I know. But K is anxious about not knowing anyone. Why would I pull him out of his school where he has lots of friends and send him somewhere new where he doesn't know anyone, and THEN send him to kindergarten?
Her: K doesn't have any friends right now because he's smarter than all the other kids, but at a program for kids with high IQs, he would have friends because he would be able to relate to the other kids.
Me: ... ??? K has plenty of friends. He's just worried that in his new school --
Her: Oh, so all the kids in his class are so smart?
Me: Sure, they seem smart. I don't know, they're 5. I don't think it really matters to them who --
Her: I don't think they're as smart as K. The reason K is not social is that he can't relate to the other kids. That's why he doesn't have any friends.
Me: Why do you keep saying he's not social and doesn't have any friends?? He has plenty of friends!
Her: No, I don't think so.
Me: Come visit some time and drop him off at school, and watch every kid in his class yell his name and run over. I promise you, he is happy and social. He is fine.
Her: Really? Okay, if you say so... But think about sending him to a program for kids with high IQs.
I get that grandparents think their grandkids can do no wrong, but I'm not sure where this idea came from that K is an anti-social super-genius whose every word soars above the heads of his dimwitted classmates. K is a bright kid, but he spends half the day with his finger up his nose and the other half running around making shooting noises. I don't think he has a problem relating to other kids his age.
My mom makes up the weirdest stories and convinces herself that they're true. Like, before X was born a couple of people said to me, "I know how disappointed you were that you're not having a girl. Your mom told me you cried!" Eh? I remember when my brother and I first compared notes and realized our mother had basically been telling us completely made-up stories about each other that we each assumed were true. Now whenever my mom tells me something about what someone else is thinking or why they did something, I assume it's maybe 20% true.
Oh man. My mom, too. For two years she went around telling people that I was giving away my dog. It seemed like every single cousin of hers approached me about it, with a long drawn out story she'd given them about how I was moving too frequently and needed someone to take him.
ReplyDeleteLol! Typical crazy mother/grandmother. It's kind of cute that she has a fake narrative in her head about her little anti-social, genius grandchild, though. If you want to blow her mind, you can tell her that one of your favorite bloggers 1. did not go to preschool, 2. went to a public elementary without a gifted program, and 3. STILL got into Harvard. Ha! I'm letting my kids run around, eat dirt, and have normal childhood lives, because I'm proof that the smart kid camp stuff is just a scam and REALLY has nothing to do with getting into an Ivy league school!
ReplyDeleteMy mother shamelessly makes up stories too. I now always compare notes with my sisters before freaking out at them about something they 'did/said/believe/etc.'
ReplyDeleteMy MIL does this too... creates her own 'narrative' of events through repetition and word-smithing, regardless of reality. She tells her son (DH) how he feels about things ("I could just hear in your voice how thrilled you were that you're having a boy") and her set-in-stone descriptions of his personality in relation to his brother ("your brother was always teasing you"; "you were the easier one") have been repeated for so many years that it took a long time to realize that he and BIL are not actually adversaries. So crazy-making.
ReplyDeleteYou mean, other people do this too?
ReplyDeleteDidn't mean to demonize my mom here -- I just thought this was one of the stranger conversations we've had recently. I was actually relieved once I figured this out about her (the making up of stories). I wish I had realized this during my childhood.
Better managing how I respond to my mom making up stories is what differentiates my 30s from my 20s... and why my relationship with my mom is a lot better now LOL.
DeleteMy mom always tells me how smart I was when I was a kid, how totally gifted, etc. Maybe she said these things to me when I was little and I didn't understand or care, but now I think maybe she should have told me that more so I would have more self-confidence as a grown-up.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, my former mother-in-law used to make up stories about me, but demoting me. Both of her children were doctors, and one in-law was a computer scientist or something, and I was, of course, a lawyer. She was very proud of the other three and told people what they did all the time but she told her country club friends I bussed tables at Denny's. This didn't inspire me to work harder or anything, just dislike her even more.
OK, that's a whole different level of making up stories. I guess divorce has some good points, if you don't have to be related to her anymore.
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