This week was an unusually slow week at work.
I didn't raise my hand to get more work. I decided to try to clean off my desk and deal with some nagging assignments. But a not-so-unexpected thing happened. I was totally unproductive. When I thought about doing that lingering work, I would panic and start surfing the web. And then I thought, crap, I wasted all that time, and I'm getting later and later at doing this work, and then I would feel even more anxious and still wouldn't do the work. That night I had trouble sleeping. Finally, at the end of the week, I managed to tackle the work, only to realize that I didn't have time to finish and if I had used all that time I wasted it would be done by now, and this will reflect badly on me and affect my reputation, all of which makes me feel even more anxious. Like pit in my stomach, heart beating faster anxious. And of course, I feel terrible that I'm taking time away from my family when I'm not even accomplishing the work I'm supposed to be doing.
It sounds ridiculous, but it feels paralyzing.
I've tried various productivity tweaks, including uninstalling my web browser of choice (because that's usually how I procrastinate), installing LeechBlock, which stops me from browsing, making to-do lists before I leave, restructuring my work day, etc... nothing seems to help.
What say you, Internet friends? Is this normal and I should just get over it? Is this an extreme version of normal unproductivity and procrastination? Is the solution just to be more busy? Is there some magical productivity hack I should be doing to change my habits? Do I need therapy?
Is this an isolated incident from this week? Or are you afraid this is a new pattern?
ReplyDeleteI've had two-three day stretches like that before. Awful. Awful awful -- and it can just build and spiral.
A day off, a day outside, a day with the kids (or a few hours of total break from both the kids & work), a good night sleep... for some reason, that works to snap me out of it. And suddenly I remember how to be productive and focused when I need to be.
Also, sometimes taking on a small new assignment suddenly motivates me to clear up all those time suck "nagging assignments" too...
ReplyDeleteI have this problem too. Especially when I come off of a totally all-encompassing assignment; it's like I don't understand how to be productive unless I'm forced to do the impossible.
ReplyDeleteNot necessarily work related, but it sounds like my anxiety attacks. It *is* paralyzing and demoralizing. It's impossible to describe to anyone who hasn't experienced it (and people who haven't are usually pretty unsympathetic -- my family's take? "Just suck it up.")
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I have a prescription for a benzodiazapene that pretty much takes care of the anxiety so I can just get down to business and do what needs to be done.
I absolutely have this problem. The more I try to focus, the more I panic and beat myself up over how a better version of myself would have been done already. For me it's worse when I'm feeling insecure/intimidated regarding the person I'm writing for, and generally it's been terrible since the NICU.
ReplyDeleteThings that work for me are white-noise sorts of distractions (Hillary Hahn Concertos up loud in headphones or the Goldberg variations are my favorites for when I have to do complex thinking) and setting deadlines. For instance, I can't get another cup of coffee until 2 more pages are written, can break for lunch or (better still) a run if I finish 5.
Is there something else going on that would have your anxiety level up?
I get this problem in random spurts. There will be days where I just can't get my butt to do anything no matter how badly I want to cross assignments off my checklist. Then it goes away- one day I wake up, ready to tackle the world. It's weird. I don't know if my problem is associated with anxiety, just no mental energy or motivation. Maybe there is something a little deeper going on with you. If it doesn't clear up in a couple days maybe you should see a doctor for anxiety? The worst is knowing you're at work away from your kids being unproductive. Can you take Monday off for a mental health day?
ReplyDeleteWhen I used to be an HR Manager, I got this "disease" a LOT. A lot a lot. Time away from the office would help, but in the absence of that, I could occasionally trick myself and get out of the habit by taking every one of the tiny things I had to do and putting it in a stack. (If it wasn't represented by something physical, then I would write it down on a piece of scratch paper so I could include it in my physical stack). Then I would just start at the top and do it, in the order it comes. Actually assembling a physical pile of paper and telling myself that I wasn't going to sort it, or prioritize it, or batch the tasks in an order that makes sense, or plan how to do them, or schedule them, or make a list of them, or write them in my planner, or any of that - well, it would kind of trick me into doing them. And starting the stack, doing Thing #1, was always hardest - I'd check a blog first, or email, or something. But if I could force myself to do Thing #1, I would usually start a momentum that would get me through to the bottom of the stack.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for all the comments! I feel so much better reading these.
ReplyDeleteI think some version of this problem is normal, but since returning to work after maternity leave it's intensified. I've been feeling more anxiety over a variety of things, mainly things that objectively I don't think are a big deal, and I feel like I spend a lot of time and energy trying not to dwell on things that don't matter.
I'm considering talking to someone about this.
If you're considering therapy, do it. It can't hurt, and it may help a lot. I'd suggest figuring out the sort of person who would fit best with you as a mentor/adviser, and then ask for referrals based on that.
ReplyDeleteI would say I'm a lot happier since I started therapy, but that's not quite right. I'm saner/less neurotic. I ended up with a very good therapist who gives me lots of concrete suggestions for how to deal with various issues, who can call me on my BS, and who is a sympathetic listener without being passive. (Not coincidentally, just what I asked around for!)
I have days where I don't get much done (like less than an hour of billable work when it comes time to enter it in), generally when I have a lot of small tasks with vague deadlines, but I've never felt anxiety about it- I soak up and enjoy every second of wasted internet surfing. I consider it part of the ebb and flow of work- you just can't be super productive all the time. So if we were able to talk in person over coffee, I'd say, having a day or even a week of non-productivity in spite of your best intentions is totally normal. Feeling bad about not using that time away from your family as productively as you could is totally normal. But the anxiety about it, I don't know. I'd say if it continues it might be worth talking to someone, because what could it hurt?
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