Female attorneys out there, I apologize. Especially current or aspiring female biglaw attorneys. I am going to say something you are never, ever supposed to admit out loud, much less in writing.
Pregnancy is hard. It takes a serious physical toll on you. If you've never been pregnant, you have no idea how physically taxing it is, especially the last few months. It's not just a matter of feeling a little more tired than usual. It can be uncomfortable and often painful.
Pre-pregnancy, I didn't mind (too much) when somebody dropped work on my desk at six and said, "You can turn these documents around tonight, right?" meaning "Stay up until two in the morning so we can get these documents out." That's what I signed up for when I took this job.
But since the beginning of my pregnancy, the biglaw schedule has felt inhumane. Now when I'm lugging huge closing binders to someone's office, or I have to stay up until all hours to get a set of documents out, or I have to wait for the partner to respond to my email before I can go to bed, I no longer do it cheerfully. Sometimes I want to say, "DON'T YOU PEOPLE REALIZE I'M PREGNANT? LET ME GET SOME SLEEP." For god's sake, I have SHINGLES. A condition caused by STRESS. I don't know if it was coincidental that it started after two weeks of working nights and weekends.
I can never say that out loud at the firm, of course. Because admitting that pregnancy has made me less willing and able to do my job means that any woman who may get pregnant is now suspect. It means that the firm doesn't have to just suck up my maternity leave, but has to deal with me not performing the way I should for nine months beforehand. It means that a young married woman is a worse bet as an employee than a childless woman or a man. So everyone, including me, tries to ignore the pregnancy and I get treated exactly the same way I did before. I know in terms of women's rights and equality in the workplace, this is a good thing. But in reality? It doesn't feel like a good thing.
Yes pregnancy does take a ton out of you...I wholeheartedly agree. And the recovery period is really rough too...
ReplyDeleteAmen and a half.
ReplyDeleteHell, I don't want to do that much work now, let alone when I'm growing another human being. Definitely sounds inhumane!
ReplyDeleteIt can cut both ways. During my pregnancy, I resented with equal fervor those partners who treated me like I had a handicap (e.g., Don't carry those binders -- you're pregnant. You can't travel -- you're pregnant) AND those partners who made me pull multiple all-nighters two weeks before my son was born.
ReplyDeleteThis totally grosses me out. I don't understand why they can't accommodate for a pregnancy when you bust your rump at all other times (and even now at a somewhat less happy pace). So maybe you feel like you're not pulling your weight (ha-ha) now, but you must contribute quite a bit - even when you're moving at a slower speed. Pregnancy is a COMPLETELY normal part of life. It's not like you developed a crack habit or something. And I bet dollars to donuts that you still get more work done as a pregnant lady than most people do at their normal operating levels. You are valuable to them. I mean, heck, you stay there until 2 in the morning sometimes, and I know you've got to do good work. Give yourself a break...and don't be afraid to push back every so often. Stressing yourself out to the point of getting shingles can't be a good thing for your firm either. Get some rest. Drink some tea. Cut yourself some slack. As I said, you're valuable, and they will understand. You'll feel better, and they'll get better production.
ReplyDelete100% agree. Doesn't it make you glad that your first pregnancy was in law school? SO MUCH EASIER.
ReplyDeleteMid-Level Mama: good point, I haven't had that experience of partners treating me like an invalid (just the opposite, they won't even acknowledge I'm pregnant unless I actively bring it up!), but I can see how that would be infuriating in the other direction.
ReplyDeleteTish: I have many responses to your comment, some emotional and some rational, and am trying to distill them into something coherent which will probably be its own post. But you're right.
I agree with Tish in principle. In practice? As a MILP? I understand how you feel and probably would be doing what you are doing - busting my ass and resenting it.
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