K is potty-trained! He still needs diapers for naps and bedtime, but other than that, it's all underpants, all the time. Hooray! The other day I caught myself sighing because I had to clean the potty, and then I realized, what am I thinking? What would I rather be wiping, a piece of plastic or somebody's butt? Next step: get him to go on the big potty.
I've been trying to teach K to stand up for himself more. Yesterday a boy at the playground kept running at him and screaming. At first K responded by laughing and running away, so I thought he was okay. But after the sixth or seventh time, when the boy ran at him and screamed, K burst into tears. Once he calmed down, I said, "Did it scare you when that boy screamed?" He nodded, sniffling. "Is there anything you could do that might help?" "Cry?" "Crying won't help you. But what if you tell him to stop screaming?" K wasn't feeling brave enough to do this himself, so we marched up to the boy together and said, "Please don't scream." (It didn't really matter. The boy's mom screamed at him just as loudly and told him he was like a wild animal and couldn't behave and was scaring all the kids, and then dragged him off the playground. Suddenly it all made sense.)
Today at the playground, a big kid got on the seesaw opposite K and started bouncing up and down really hard. I could see K starting to look scared, but I didn't do anything (well, until one of the boys started hitting another boy, but that had nothing to do with K, that was just me interfering). The kid on the seesaw eventually got distracted by his friends and left. I talked to K again about speaking up and telling people if something was wrong. I reminded him that they didn't know if he was feeling scared or upset, and they wouldn't stop unless he told them to.
I hope it sinks in. I love how caring and polite K is, but I think we need to toughen him up a little. Right now, if he falls down, he gets right back up. But if someone pushes him down, he cries. It's hard for him to imagine that someone would be mean to him on purpose. Which is nice in a way, but won't get him very far on the playground.
My son was/is very similar. He's outgrown some of it, though he's still very much a kid who chooses his battles and doesn't always express feeling scared or upset or angry. When kids race to get in line for something, they push and push to be at the front... he ends up in the back. He's better in that he'll speak up and tell a kid running at him and screaming to stop, but he kind of runs out of tools when the kid doesn't listen to his words. Working on it...
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the potty training!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm fascinated by your musings about K - it really underscores gender differences (or perceptions thereof). P hates to compete with other kids for toys, playground equipment, and while it kind of bugs me, if she were doing the same thing as a boy, I'd probably be working with her more.
Yes, congrats on the potty training! That's a huge step.
ReplyDeleteI always love hearing your philosophies on child rearing and how you teach him to be the kind of person you want him to become. It's the perfect mix of practical and flexible.
ReplyDeleteHooray for potty training! It seems like forever but you'll be surprised how fast he grows up from here.
ReplyDeleteButterflyfish: We haven't gotten to the "what if they don't listen" stage, and I don't think there's a clear answer about what to do next. Frankly, I run out of effective tools pretty quickly too when that happens. Any tips?
ReplyDeleteEH: I think these skills are just as important, in a way more important, for a girl. I'm not trying to teach K to be aggressive or to compete, I'm trying to teach him to resolve conflicts by identifying how he feels and why he feels that way, and asking for (or demanding) what he needs. For girls, as they get older, this could help them avoid "mean girl" behavior, or being subjected to it. Can you imagine a world where preteen girls openly discussed their problems with each other instead of spreading rumors behind each other's backs?
THB: I have to admit we resorted to bribery. It worked, but every time K poops he expects a popsicle. (At least we have weaned him off the pee treats.)
LEO: Thanks, because my family thinks my child-rearing philosophies are a little weird (treat them like PEOPLE?)
PT: Does he have to? I love this age.
CM, if I ever figure it out, I'll let you know.
ReplyDeleteHe's starting soccer this fall, which (as coached by my husband and his co-coach anyway) looks like a sport with a good mix of teamwork and assertiveness. Teamwork = pass the ball to your teammates. Assertiveness = get the ball away from the opponent.
If that balance becomes a transferable skill, I'll let you know.
Yay on the potty training! That has made a much bigger difference than I anticipated on the general ease of our life. Before, I thought changing diapers just wasn't that big of a deal- I didn't like it, but it wasn't worth a massive battle with my toddler. But now that I don't have to? Awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteLandon's been trained during the day for a while (though #2 was a major month-long struggle with lots of Clorox wipes and muttered cursing), but I was super nervous about nighttime training b/c he seemed to save everything up during the day and would soak through even the biggest diapers at night. But about 2 months ago, right after his 3rd birthday, JP asked him if he'd like to sleep in his underwear. Landon said yes, JP told him that meant he couldn't go potty at night, and Landon said okay. He's never had an accident. It was crazy- I never, ever would have done it that way, thinking it was doomed to fail, but I guess sometimes it can be good to have a guy around who doesn't read parenting blogs or articles and doesn't know how hard these things are supposed to be.
Btw, my verification word was "balls." I found that amusing given the topic (and maybe just in general... it's been a long day).
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