I start my summer job in less than a week.
I decided to work this summer partly because of the money -- day care is expensive! But mostly, I wanted to take the opportunity to try out another firm, and I thought I'd miss working after three months at home.
A month after K was born, I wondered if I had made the right decision. I was exhausted, my brain was fuzzy, and I felt like I was physically attached to the baby.
Two months after he was born, I could not WAIT to go back to work. Ten hours of wondering what to do with a fussy baby made me long for a quiet desk and some cases to read. But I was anxious about leaving him with someone else, even his grandmother, and about pumping and feeding. At the time, he would go at most two hours between feedings, so I would miss five feedings if I were at work all day. I was also worried about being behind -- I'd be the only summer who hadn't finished 2L year, who hadn't really thought about the law for months. I imagined someone asking me to write a memo and just looking blankly at them, or being asked a basic question about contracts and having no idea.
Now, at almost three months, I'm looking forward to returning to work. I'll miss K, though. Especially the smiles. He has become much easier to care for over the past month. I've learned about following an eat-activity-sleep routine, stretching his feedings, and anticipating when he needs to take a nap. (Thank you, Baby Whisperer.) I'm still eager for JW to come home at the end of the day, but I'm not dying to dump the baby on him and run out the door. I feel a lot better about leaving K with my mother now.
To be completely honest... I'm getting a little bored at home. I love spending time with K, but every single minute of every day? He's twelve weeks old. There are only so many times I can shake a toy at him, sing him a song, carry him around, and show him the dangerous parts of the kitchen before it starts to get old. I don't think I'm cut out to be a stay-at-home mom.
So, I'm still a little ambivalent, but mainly happy that my summer job is starting. I have a good feeling about this firm. And I get to be me again -- not Mommy, just me, out there on my own. Feels like a luxury. I just wish I could have that and still be able to see my son roll over for the first time.
